When Mallory sees her daughter about to throw a temper tantrum, Mallory lets her daughter decide what the consequence is going to be.
Children can be angels most of the time, but can be frustrating and hard to manage with their occasional attitudes. This is a real test for every parent to overcome: Be patient and avoid meltdowns. Mallory shared with us her three parenting techniques to avoid temper tantrums.
Choices are things that I would benefit both of us. For instance… If she is about to have a meltdown because I said that she couldn’t have a second cupcake, I say “Would you like to have a drink of water and then play a quiet game, OR would you like to sit in your room alone until you calm down? If the meltdown starts and she has not made a choice, I let her know that if she won’t make a choice then I will choose for her. And she knows I will always choose the less fun option, so she will quickly calm down and make a choice. I feel she likes being in control of her choices, and because of it she responds well to this method of ‘discipline.’
The Follow Through
Something that I feel is so important when it comes to discipline is following through with the consequence. I try to be very thoughtful of the consequences I give my children because if I don't follow through with it, they will notice, and then start to respect my authority less. If my daughter is acting out, and I give her a warning like, "If you choose not to obey the rules again, then you will not be allowed to have computer time today," and she is disobedient again, I MUST follow through. Sometimes that can be hard for both of us. I like computer time because she is quiet, and she enjoys playing learning games... but if that is the consequence I gave, I have to follow through so that she will know that when we choose to be disobedient, there are consequences.
Love and Understanding
I feel it is so important to reinforce love even when we are frustrated with our kids, or when they are disobedient. In our home, we like to treat each moment as a teaching opportunity. Each time we deal with a disobedience issue, I ask my daughter to tell me what she has done that was naughty. It helps me to know if she understands the disobedient behavior. Then we talk about a better choice she could have made in that situation. We then share hugs and tell each other sorry, and anyone who may have been wronged (Like her brother if she just hit him). We always end with love because I want her to know that I love her, and that I trust she will make a better choice next time. I struggle a lot with parenting, It's a tough gig. But the more I focus on love I feel that it all comes a little easier.
Here is a parenting quote by Peggy O’Mara: “The way we talk to our children become their inner voice." There is no right way for effective parenting or dealing with tantrums. We know that temper tantrums are hard to manage for both children and parents, but this is a teaching moment. Child behaviors change depending on how the parents handle the situation. Parents need to be patient and help children learn from the new situation children are facing.
Mallory is from Mesa, Arizona, and has two children, Hanna and Henry. She loves shopping, sewing, playing games, and photography. Her favorite blogs are Kendi Everyday, 71 Toes, Cotton & Curtis, and Nie Nie. Her favorite food to make is anything sweet and tacos. Her guilty pleasures are Hulu, Netflix, and Diet Doctor Pepper.