Managing expectations as a parent can be tricky, particularly during the holiday season. I've been there: you want that picture-perfect moment, but someone is screaming, someone else is grumpy, and everyone is tired. I can’t be the only person wondering how to keep the holidays feeling magical and positive without sacrificing my sanity. From one parent to another, here are a few practical ideas that may help your holidays be as smooth and low-stress as possible.

TIP #1: SCHEDULE IT IN

Sometimes it may feel like there are so many events during the holiday season that things can fall by the wayside. This is why it can be helpful to sit down with your family and decide which activities/experiences are most important to everyone and schedule them right away. That way, everyone knows what to expect and when things are going to happen.

For little ones who are still learning the concept of time, a visual calendar may be helpful. Then, they can have a tangible way to keep track of time, and you can refer to it when they ask how much longer. It doesn't need to be anything fancy; try drawing a symbol or picture on the family calendar, or make a paper chain to help them count down the days!

 

TIP #2: DIVIDE AND CONQUER

My husband and I both work, and our daughter is in elementary school. It is important to us that she has support at her various performances and events so she knows she is loved and remembered. Most of the time, though, her performances are during the day and it's just not feasible for both parents to take off work to attend. We have started trading off events so that she always has at least one parent to cheer her on in the audience. She is thrilled with this arrangement and so are we. In fact, she has started letting us know which parent gets to attend which event, which makes us chuckle. If trading off isn’t an option, perhaps try asking a grandparent or extended family member, or a beloved neighbor to attend!

 

TIP #3: AVOID THE COMPARISON TRAP

Your holiday doesn't need to look the same as your best friend's, your neighbor's, or the people you follow online. You know your family best, and you get to be in charge of your holiday happiness. It's okay to not do everything! Try to let go of the pressure to make your holiday season look picture-perfect and instead just be present. There will most likely be activities that others insist are a must for the holiday season that don’t hold much interest for you, and that’s okay! Try to be authentic to the things that you and your own family enjoy instead of what the rest of the world says you should like.

    Shoes are left out for St. Nikolaus day, a German Christmas tradition 

 

TIP #4: TRY TO BE FLEXIBLE

You can plan and plan all day long, but sometimes unplanned things just happen. Last Christmas, my family traveled to spend the holiday with my in-laws. It was the first time everyone had been together for a good while, and we were thrilled. Then, on Christmas Eve, we noticed a funny rash appear on my baby's face, and by Christmas morning, he had full-blown Hand Foot and Mouth disease. He was miserable, we were miserable, and it was definitely not our ideal way to spend Christmas. We tried to make the best of it with extra snuggles under cozy blankets and lots of rest rather than playing in the snow or going sledding. I could have moped and complained about it, but frankly, those things never make me feel better. I have found that when I spend so much time focusing on things going wrong, I forget to look for the things that are going right.

Contagious illnesses aside, here are some other ideas on how to be flexible:

Do you want to decorate sugar cookies, but the idea of rolling, cutting, and baking homemade cookie dough makes you want to hide away and take a long winter's nap? Most grocery stores sell plain sugar cookies in fun shapes along with frosting. Then you can have all of the fun without a massive pile of dirty dishes in your sink.

Too cold for outdoor caroling? Try calling grandparents or loved ones on Zoom and singing to them.

Not wanting your child to stay up until midnight but want them to feel the fun of New Year's Eve? You can use a countdown from years past to enjoy fireworks and celebrations. Here is a fun one from Sydney, Australia! 

Jack-o-lanterns not really your thing? An alternative to carving pumpkins is drawing on them or using paint!

Gingerbread house keeps falling down? Try cutting them out and designing them in paper form! Pompoms, stickers, and pipe cleaners are great additions!

Don't have the time to plan a birthday party with family? Organize a virtual gift opening via zoom.

 

                                  Photo from @our.montessori.journey

To go along with being flexible, I have sometimes found myself internalizing my children’s reactions. It can be easy for me to fall into the thought pattern that if they are whining during an activity, it means the whole experience is ruined. Something that I am practicing is not letting their reactions to things affect my happiness. If they cry and whine through an outing, that’s their decision- not mine. I can still focus on the things that brought me joy during our family time. 

The holiday season doesn't have to be stressful and overwhelming. With a little planning, and perhaps a shift in perspective, they can be whatever you would like them to be.

What are some of your favorite ways to enjoy the holidays? Let us know in the comments below. 💚