Children and Hitting: What Can Parents Do?
When a child hits, it can feel sudden, surprising, and sometimes even alarming. It can leave you wondering what just happened and what to do next.
In early childhood, behavior is a child’s first language. When feelings are big, and words are limited, the body steps in. Frustration, overstimulation, jealousy, or exhaustion can spill out physically before a child has the skills to express it any other way.
Hitting is less about character and more about regulation and communication. That does not mean we ignore it. It means we approach it differently.
Sprout worked with a licensed professional counselor to get this insight into children and hitting. She is finishing up a PHD in counseling and works with children at a nonprofit in their child development center. Here’s a few ways she recommended approaching hitting in a way that supports growth, protect boundaries, and builds long-term self-regulation.
Remain Calm
Hitting can often be triggering for a parent to observe. It can be helpful to take a step back and take a breath before correcting the behavior. When we respond calmly, we model the regulation we want them to learn. A calm tone can help a child begin regulating, even during moments when their emotions feel overwhelming.
Understand the “Why” Beneath the Behavior
Hitting often happens when a child:
Feels overwhelmed
Doesn't have the words to express their frustration
Is tired or overstimulated
Wants connection
Is testing cause and effect
Young children are still developing impulse control. When we see hitting as a lack of skills instead of misbehaving, we can shift our response from punishment to teaching.
Create and Maintain Boundaries
Holding the boundary consistently is important. When a child hits you can gently block their hands to prevent it from happening again and repeat a boundary like “I can’t let you hit. Hitting hurts.”. While the behavior may not stop overnight, over time, children will internalize what they experience repeatedly and predictably.
Teach What To Do Instead
Stopping the behavior is only part of it. We then need to teach them what to do instead when they feel like hitting. During calmer moments, practice the words they can use next time to express how they are feeling, like “I’m mad” or “I need space.” You can also offer physical outlets for big feelings like stomping feet, squeezing a pillow, or taking a breath together. The more tools they have, the less they need to use their bodies to communicate.
Teach How to Repair
When hitting does happen, teaching them how to repair the situation is important. Instead of simply telling them to say sorry, you can gently guide them towards awareness or care. "Hitting hurts. Let’s go check on them together.” Repair can help a child understand the impact of their actions and build empathy over time.
Learning not to hit is part of learning self-regulation. It takes repetition and consistent modeling. When we respond with guidance instead of punishment, we’re helping a child develop the internal tools they’ll carry with them long after the hitting phase has passed.