I have always loved children. As the oldest of four children in my own family, I watched after my siblings with care and sought to help my mother when I could. Most of the weekends of my teen years were spent babysitting for families in the neighborhood, and I loved every minute of it. I'm now at the age when I can start my own family and a lot of my friends already have children. I have watched in awe as my childhood friends began to raise their little ones, and I have also watched them struggle along the way. My eyes were truly opened to the many struggles parents face, every day. 

As someone who plans to become a mother, I took what I observed to heart. Parenting is hard! It's a full-time job, and my friends were also working outside the home so that they could provide for their families, which was even more draining. Some had family nearby that could help, but oftentimes, they lived too far from extended family to get the help they so desperately needed. I turned this reflection inward - what could I do to help my friends along their parenting journey, especially as someone without children who couldn't understand exactly what they were going through? 

Jump to: 

Helping Parents by Becoming Their Village 

What Do Parents Actually Need?

Are You a Parent Looking for Support?

Helping Parents by Becoming Their Village 

Have you ever heard the phrase, "It takes a village to raise a child?" While I knew of the phrase, it didn't sink in until recently. Children need a village. Parents need a village. They need support as they navigate this new path of life. People used to have a village, with their local community and extended family offering help with childcare, meals, and much more. However, in our increasingly individualistic society, those days are dwindling. Parents often live away from extended family due to external circumstances, and it can be awkward to reach out to friends and family to help, especially since they may feel like their friendships may be strained due to their limited time and energy. 

This concerned me and I wanted to help. I realized that some of the best service I could offer was my time. It was hard for my friends to accept my help at first. One such friend, who I met in an adult ballet class in my local community, lived in my neighborhood. She had extended family who lived an hour away, so she would only ask for their help to watch her children when she really needed it, but she expressed that sometimes she wished she could just run to the store on her own. I offered to watch her daughters, to which she said it wasn't necessary. I repeated my offer and reassured her that I understood her very real and valid struggles and that I would love to help whenever she needed me, no questions asked. 

While it took over a month and several offers for my friend to accept my help, I was glad that my friend trusted me enough to let me be her village. I was able to support her and her family as they navigated challenges, including the loss of a loved one, welcoming a new baby, and her girls starting at a new school. Our friendship grew stronger, and watching her daughters became the highlight of my week. 

One of her concerns in accepting my help was that it would strain our relationship. She didn't want me to feel like she was taking advantage of me, or that our friendship was going to become one-sided. She wanted me to feel like a friend, not a babysitter. I reassured her that I only offered the help I was truly willing to give and that she was still a wonderful friend. We discovered that our friendship actually grew and strengthened due to the increased time we saw each other. She was there for me during a difficult time when my husband was at an internship several states away, and her family invited me along on their outings when I was feeling particularly lonely. 

Becoming the village for my friends is one of the most rewarding parts of my life. It has provided meaningful connections and given me joy I could have never expected. 

What Do Parents Actually Need?

Helping parents in your life can be incredibly rewarding, but also tricky. How do you offer your help in a way that isn't condescending or uncomfortable? How do you set boundaries so that you don't come to resent being asked for help? How do you know what is actually helpful? I also had these questions, and sometimes I still do! Each family is unique in their challenges and needs. I've found that it can be easier to navigate the awkwardness by being open and asking your friends what they would consider helpful. 

For example, I brought up the subject by expressing my desire to become a mother, and asking my friend what some of the most challenging aspects of motherhood were for her. Based on her answers, I asked how one could support her in those aspects, and offered her my help. 

We asked our audience recently what would feel the most supportive as parents. Here are some of their responses: 

• "Someone offering to watch baby so I can sleep!" 
• "Time to myself! Time out of the house."
• "A pamper myself kind of day."
• "[I have a] medically complex child. Meal trains after hospitalizations are amazing and so supportive." 
• "Someone bringing over a meal or lunch options (and paper plates!)" 
• "Having friends ask to watch my kids at their house." 
• "Food. Groceries, snacks, and non-takeout meals." 
• "Getting to take a bath!"
• "Coffee"

Are You a Parent Looking for Support?

These days, it can be tough to find support. It can be awkward and vulnerable to ask for help, and you may feel like you are a burden if you do accept kind offers. You may feel isolated and that you do not have anyone to turn to for support. Thankfully, there are places that you can turn to that already have a built-in community. There are local community groups for parents, faith-based groups, and online groups. 

Here are some places you can search for a community: 

• Parents Helping Parents
• Wild and free
• Church groups
• Local Facebook groups or mother support groups- Search by location on Facebook ("City Name Moms", "Moms of [City/Neighborhood]", etc)
• Community centers
• Meetup.com
• Parent-specific fitness classes
• MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers)
• Hike it Baby
• Moms RUN This Town 
• Your child's school or daycare
• Start your own! Follow your interest and do a book club, a meal exchange, a walking group, a play group, etc.

Just as I have found fulfillment in helping the parents in my life, there are countless others ready to walk with you on this journey, whether it be friends or people in your community you have yet to meet.