Sharing is Not (Always) Caring
Did you know that in Montessori schools, children “share” by taking turns?
Throughout the First Plane of Development (0-6), children may struggle with the idea of sharing, but it can be particularly apparent in young children such as toddlers. Before the age of 3, children are more interested in parallel play than in playing together. Developmentally, they are “egocentric,” meaning that they are building a sense of themselves as individuals, and exercising their ability to say “no!”
A Montessori Approach
In Montessori environments, there is only one of each activity. There is no waiting, no rushing, no sharing, and no time limits! Dr. Montessori understood that children go through developmental changes and that the Prepared Environment should reflect the tendencies and needs of the children in that stage. Children are allowed to work on something for as long as they want and can repeat an activity as many times as they want, thereby developing their concentration and mastery. This requires other children in the classroom to practice patience in waiting their turn.
In a Home Environment
Of course, we do want children to eventually know how to share, especially once it is developmentally appropriate! Some ways we can help children practice turn-taking, and eventually sharing, is through modeling, Grace and Courtesy, and language.
Modeling
Children of this age are soaking up everything they see and hear. As adults, we can practice humility, respect, compassion, and empathy. You can specifically model sharing, without any expectations.
Grace and Courtesy
In Montessori classrooms, Grace and Courtesy lessons are given through role-playing. In a neutral moment, practice with your child how they can ask for something, how they can tell someone they’re not ready to share, or how to respond when someone says 'no'. In this way, children have the tools they need to handle situations when they arise.
Language
Giving children the language to navigate situations on their own empowers them, and it allows you as the adult to step back and observe, and only intervene when necessary.
How can we encourage children, especially siblings, to take turns if they are not interested in sharing?
Here are some phrases you might find useful with your little ones:
- “I see that she’s playing with the toy right now. You can play with it when she’s done."
- “It looks like he doesn’t want to play together right now.”
- “You can say: ‘It's my turn.’”
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“It will be your turn next.”
- “That toy isn’t available right now. Let’s find one that is.”
- “It looks like you would like a turn with that. It’s not available yet. Would you like to wait, or would you like to find something else to play with?”
By giving our children language to use (and only intervening when necessary) we can empower them to navigate turn-taking with other children. This helps them cultivate patience when it is not their turn, and allows them to fully concentrate on something when it is their turn! Ultimately, we can help our children learn to share when they are developmentally ready to. When we have developmentally appropriate expectations for children’s behavior, we can better serve them, and set them up to be kind and caring members of their community.
How do you navigate the concept of sharing with your little ones?