From Our Homes: Becoming a Dad

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After five years of failed pregnancies, my wife and I resolved we would not have children. We tried just about everything. The roller coaster of emotions was so intense at times. We would find out she was pregnant, start picking out names, look up cribs, and imagine our life with our babies. Then the pain would ensue, and we would know it was coming to a sad end. It was just getting too painful to bear for my sweet Princess. Honestly, for me too. All I could do was sit and watch, hold and cry. I couldn't fix it. All I wanted to do was fix it.

Then one afternoon, after a year of letting go of that hope and dream, she called me and said she was pregnant. When I heard those words, it was the first time I felt sad instead of happy. Three months passed, and my sentiment towards the whole experience changed. She made it past the first trimester. We began to feel hope. Six months passed, then nine, and in an instant, I was holding the most precious little boy I had ever seen. Andrew was crying when the doctor handed him to me. I started to sing a melody I often did while he was in his mommy's tummy, that Winnie the Pooh jingle about being a rain cloud. His eyes opened wide. He looked right at me and immediately stopped crying. I could barely finish the song. 

Twenty-two months later, we had our second miracle baby boy Lincoln. Since then, almost eight years have passed, and Janina has had several more miscarriages. We don't know what we did differently, but we believe Andrew and Lincoln were our two little miracles, and we are so grateful to have them in our life. 

Parenting has been a team effort from the start. With our first, my wife stayed at home. With our second, I did. When Andrew needs comfort he goes to his mommy. When Lincoln needs comfort he comes to me. I know we are not perfect, but we know we are doing a good job when our now nine and seven year old come to us with every emotion. Whether it be happiness, sadness, joy, or pain, they come to us to experience it with us. They trust us because they know we love them, even though we expect them to do hard things. I am so grateful to be a dad to my two sons.


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